my ugly confession

Problem solved..... decision made and hoping for no more dilemma ....it was my bad making him sad....all the words is said this past few days ...what was i thinking??!!! this time i am to blame.....I'm so so sorry......I'm sorry for being so emotional, I'm sorry for being possessive, I'm sorry i've shed your tears, I'm sorry for making you sick, I'm sorry i hurt you so deep, I’m sorry for giving you sleepless nights, I’m sorry for each and every fight,I’m sorry for your pain & agony,I’m sorry for the missing harmony,my dear eddy please accept my apology ...
I’m sorry for my selfish love, I’m sorry for not caring enough, I’m sorry for my restlessness, I’m sorry for the losing grace, I'm sorry for being myself, I'm sorry for being immatured, I'm sorry that I've failed .....

I'm sorry...I'm sorry... and sorry again.....

I’m sorry of being insane, But ...believe me that I LOVE YOU.....Should I say sorry for that too????...................



p/s -its been ages since i wrote this poem...well then... its dedicated for you in hopes that you will get my point...


ONE

some may say it's just a disaster,
but who are they to judge our laughter,
when they know nothing about our love,
the symbol of rose, dark and dove.

hate to hear all the gossiping
people can't seem to stop the talking,
hate to see what they're trying to do,
ruining the love between me and you.

people can say its fading away,
when we know its going to stay,
the ups and down that we've been through,
the secret that lies between me and you.

there's nothing that can tear us apart,
and no can seperate our heart,
because the moon can't replace the sun,
so when me and you become one...

new hair cut!!

bored of myself...looking for something new...and thinking of a new hair cut!!!!!



should i go for BOB!! OR.....................................................................




go for BALD!!!.. i mean like half bald.. :D

who am I???

Who am I??? a tricky question for me.....still searching but as far as i'm concern i'm not weird..just UNIQUE!! in terms that i'm being myself ...not being who others are....and don't care what others thinks..yes I'm a SELFISH BASTARD!!! thats how i define myself =).....well before that.. lets get back to basic--->>

born in 1985 ..3rd among 6 brothers and happens to be the only girl....and that explains how i used to be a "TOMBOY" during my childhood....
i was born and raised in Malacca(Bukit Katil)...later on moved to Ampang where my parents bought a house-small but cozy (",)- in Taman Tasik Tambahan...
on my 2nd year of kindergarten (tadika kemas)migrated to the United States as my dad had to further his studies at Golden Gate Universiti California for his PHD....recieved my education from Margaurite Pauline Brown School for 3 1/2 years ..life was tough in the US and financial seems to be a problem....still imagining how we manage to survive with soo little of money and a high cost of living..... we got through it somehow..=).....
in the mid 90's after recieving his Doctorate we moved back to malaysia...home sweet home!!!...back to ampang and spent my standard 3 and 4 at SRK Taman Tasik ...it wasn't long when we had to transfer to Bandar Baru Bangi...stayed there for 1 1/2 years...schooling at (SMK Jalan 3 Bandar Baru Bangi) and later moved to Muar Johor....where i took my UPSR at (SRK Bandar Maharani) and resulted with a not-so-flying colours result......:P

-huhuhuhuhu trying my best to make it fast n simple-

went back to ampang (SMK TAMAN TASIK) for a year--->>>then all the way to sabah (SM ALL SAINTS) for 3 years---->>ampang again...finished my SPM--->>furthered my studies in UIA Matric PJ for my bachelor of english course---->>continued my degrees in UIA Gombak ...flunked my Arab subject :P and finally changed my U and decided to go for private...so here I am....UNITAR KJ...doing my degree in English and majoring in Literature.....

- ffffffffuhhhhhh...FINALLY!!-

soooo..now u see.i've met with tons of different people in different places...experienced all kind of shits in life....i've felt the ups and down...bitter and sweet....i've haven't achieved any of my goals yet....still trying to find myself.....SO WHO AM I??? not wanting to change a bit of myself but wanting to know who i really am...I won't settle for an easy answer but time defines me as I walk through this life always encountering information. I experience.... learn..... react... push...and pull.... always out of order but sometimes in order..... I have many memories many of which lie hidden and stored in my brain but not properly catalogued. They define me without my own understanding. ....I am a tendency..... If you fuck up and need help, I might help you or I might not....I am a hot tempered....I'll say whatever things I want to say even though it'll hurt others......I'm an animal lover and i'd rather not eat than seeing my cats in hunger......I love Gwen Stefanie...been a huge fan since NO DOUBT and still listening to her music until now........ I love shopping but i wear the same clothes over and over again and ended up giving it out to charity.....I'm a lazy a bum.. I sleep at 2 and wakes up at 2.....i make stupid decisions ...regret but never learned a lesson....I'm no longer a tomboy...that was way back during my childhood...now i know how to wear makeups..nail polish..skirts and dress..but still learning how to walk in heels...i'm in love but rather confused....I may be SARCASTIC and UNPREDICTABLE at certain time.. so beware!! ....i'm not pretty and not ugly as well.........i admit i'm naughty..not a BITCH and thus i don't entertain perverts...i won't say NO but it doesnt mean I'll agree....i don't like making friends so to those who are one...u are just being LUCKY!!....
bottom line is...those out there....if i can't find the answers for myself.....so neither could you!!!...SO WHO REALLY AM I??....like it or not this is me NISA SHUKOR....never judge me for something i'm not or something i 'll never be....enough saying.......love and peace=)

kusus kawen gallery

kursus kahwin @ sex education!!=)

2 days session and on the last day i woke up late at 7.45 am..!!! had a 5 minute bath...5 minutes of ironing my baju kurung and tudung....and a minute or 2 for a cup of milo..arrived at eddy's house in selayang around 8.30 ....and finally reached setiawangsa at 8.45.. right on time!!!...BRAVO NISA!!!

the first few hours was a pain in the ass for me!!! sleepy .... bored and having to sit in front as all the back seats were taken....just as i was about to doodle in class the ustaz caught my attention with the "it" topic...i acted "cool"..:P but the girl next to me couldn't stop giggling and blushing ..while covering her mouth with her hijab...lorr funny..... could be she's too excited or too embarassed about it.... muhahahhah...who knows right??..the funniest part was when the ustaz tried to keep it low by using words such as "kolam air dah basah" "tiang bendera dah pacak" and "jan sampai laki korang tulis gune pensil sendiri"......and there goes the HIGHLITE of the day when he recited a HADIS " maka si isteri hendaklah memenuhi kehendak suaminye walaupun dikehendaki ketike menunggang unta"......
-?????????????????-
who says marrige life is easy??? i mean like for REAL.??!!! on a CAMEL?!! urghhhh...hahhaha suddenly i had goosebumps..i didn't know it could reach to that extend!! now i can define SEX as CHORES....ok lorrrr....enough with the saying....afraid i might cross the line.......BTW no poems for today....i'll update my poems tomorrow...sleeppy nite..nite (-_-)....

• found this on the net.....and its quoted from the Quran...

"Isteri-isteri kamu adalah sawah ladang kamu, maka datangilah sawah ladangmu itu dengan cara yang kamu sukai." (Surah al-Baqarah, ayat 223)

mr right??....

getting married and still having doubt....is he mr right???. Oh GOD please have MERCY on me... i love him yes i do...but is he the one for me??...are we able 2 go through " it" together?? heard a saying "KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND"...... guess i have to find a way to let go the negativity out from heart and mind...pardon me dear if you happen to read this...its just a doubt and i'm sory for doubting about it..=(


P/S:wrote this poem for the sake of writing...nothing to do with me...

CONFUSION

the more I want you...
the more I could feel you going
the better I know you...
the clearer i could see the faking.

love please take me away,
far away from this feeling,
my world is turning black and grey,
please stop my heart from beating.

the more i tried to ignore you..
the closer you came to me.
the more i tried to hate you..
more smiles on your face i could see.

love please stop this confusion,
stop the puzzle in my head,
just when i tried to make my desicion,
"I love you BUT I hate you" that's what he said...



-adios amigos..off for kursus kahwin..-

nothing to do with hormone..i'm just sad...=(

juz came back from a karaoke session or should i call it a learning session with my favaourite girls...mas and anis. Too bad shaira coudn't join us...well maybe next time ...Fun yet painful...had this stomach pain due 2 empty stomach..yes i haven't eaten the whole day. not in d mood for eating =(....(y??????)looking at d brighter side-->>I'm on diet=)YIPPIE!!!.need to lose some weight ...57kgs is not normal..yeahhh....u can do it NISA!!
-BIG SIGH-
admitting...i'm missing "someone"=(... too bad this is not a diary...lets juz keep it 2 myself..maybe things happen for a reason or i'm just plain "STUPID"!!! after all i'm not an angel neither a devil..just an ordinary human being who enjoys fooling herself and being fooled...my bad.. i should have never ask for the sky....bla..bla....bla....enough with the babbling......here is a poem i'd like to share..wrote it afew years back--->

TRUE LOVE

The lights are dimming
concern is fading away,
I should have sense the feeling,
of you not going to stay...

How could I be such a fool;
putting hopes on you again,
I was worried but you acted cool,
now i realize i'm in your game.

I'm just a puppet,holding on a string.
being moved, played and used by you.
I hope there's an angel who could lend me his wing,
and cherish me with his love that's true....

a new day

ABRA CADABRA!!!.tadaa i'm writing a blog.....blogging wasn't an interest for me...i've tried by forced before...just 1 entry...and that's it...later tend to forget the password and user name..:P
TODAY i'm trying to give it another shot (cross my finger lorr)...new account ...new blog...and hoping to my find a new ME ahead.
Yes someone suggest to me to share my poems...believe it or not...i've written quite a few numbers of poems...and finally realised it was my passion...thnx to that someone=)...she was the first to have seen and read it...
and for today...i'd like to share it with all of you...feel free to give your opinion..whatever pops out from mind...even a tiny bit or an inchy winchy comment will be appreciated..=).. i believe that poem is a piece of art...and art is very vague...different readers interpret and view it in different ways...have fun reading it...it's not a master piece but its also not a crap...and duhhhh its NISA SHUKOR here ..not Shakespeare..


WHY I CANT GET OUT OF BED..


Why I can't get out of bed is because
I feel so lost and sad,
whatever caused this feeling
must be so horrible and bad.

Why do winter and summer can't get along?
are they meant to sing different songs?
why do river and sea can hold each other tight
and never end up into a fight?

Probably the world seems differently in the eyes of us,
It's not always easy to maintain the same frame,
there will never be an answer to the cause,
and so the relation will always remain the same....

Why I can't get out of bed is because
Of what's playing in my head;
the things SHE done and the word SHE said
is the reason why I can't get out of bed....