Wednesday, October 26, 2011

HELP!!! I'm getting married....

I'm getting married next month. I 'm getting a little nervous...I mean too nervous... Is this normal? What should I do to make things a little better?


I'm losing my hair and the worst part is pimples growing everywhere even up to my chest -puke-..the relationships are turning upside down....too much drama and I am so bloody tired of all this..

Ive been engaged for more than a year and I have been waiting for this moment since the past 8 years since i met him...but suddenly out of the blue I'm mourning over the end of my single life....probably brides-to-be have to come to terms with... if they don't deal with it during their engagement, they'll deal with it during their first year of marriage.I just have these crazy mixed up feelings - I love my fiance and don't want to be in a relationship with anyone else and I want to marry him, but at the same time I'm leaving behind a time in my life that I'll never get back, and it's fucking SCARY!!!!. It doesn't mean I will cancel the wedding, and definitely doesn't mean I am not mature enough to get married. I am in a sort of in-between time in my life right now. ....EXACTLY SINGLE, but not EXACTLY MARRIED. This might sound weird but, at least for me, I had to come to terms with my fear of whether or not I'd still be me after the wedding. It's a huge life transition, and there are a lot of mixed up emotions that come with it. It's better that I face them now rather than bottling them up.....I just want all this to end soon...EDDY PLEASE put the RING on ME NOW!!!

P/S- I miss all my girls.....especially Farah...come back soon...I need u here:(((

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

seriously in BIG mess!!!

Admitting I'm just not the girl i used to be....too much shit got to me! simple mistake but with big impact and consequences....and everything seems so wrong now....:((( I'm just hopeless in any way and yes its a typical me....I keep saying/thinking that it will get better as time past, but it's still so bad as always. No improvement. It's pretty obvious that this skin will haunt me forever. =(

P/S:thinking of shaving my head bald!!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

forgive me God...

Tomorrow is never promised to anyone,
But standing before Allah(swt) on the Day of the Judgement is.

The day when each and every individual will stand in front of ALLAH(swt) and will be questioned about his or her deeds.

Let's get back to Islam, before it's too late, let's turn back to Allah(swt) before we turn in to dust and our soul will be in the hands of Allah(swt).

Oh my Rabb, I have destroyed the better part of my life with sins, so have mercy on these wasted years of my life and reform me not tomorrow but today, today and only today Allah.

Remove the darkness of my sins from the previous years from my heart for I cannot carry any longer the weight of such sins and disobedience.

Allah my eyes have been destroyed, my tongue, oh Allah I have been destroyed!

Yet, you never once left me alone, you never once stopped your gaze of love and affection.

Ya Allah, take me out of this worldly trap; I deserve no riches, no fame no honor just YOUR love, YOUR closeness, and YOUR friendship.

For if YOU are mine, all is mine.

If YOU are lost, all is lost.

Allah, how lucky are those who have found You, they live in peace, tranquility, and contentment, knowing that You are pleased with them.

How much longer must I suffer, how much longer must I feel this emptiness within me?

Ya ALLAH forgive me the sins I may have committed in the brightness of the day,

and forgive me the sins I may have committed in the darkness of the night.

Ya Rabbi forgive me for all the sins that I have committed intentionally, and forgive me the sins I may have committed unintentionally.

Please forgive me Ya ALLAH,
please forgive me,

Accept me Ya ALLAH,
accept me.

Become mine YA ALLAH,
become mine.

For I wish I become Yours, YA ALLAH.....I wish to become Yours.

Narrated Anas(R): The Prophet Muhammad(s.a.w.) said, "Allah says: 'When a servant of Mine draws near to Me, a span, I draw near to him a cubit; and if he draws near to me a cubit, I draw near to him a fathom. And if he comes to me walking, I go to him running.'"

Thursday, March 10, 2011

the last goodbye

9.3.2011.. a date ill never forget...the last goodbye.. gone for good to heaven a place u deserve to be .. u left us with wonderful memories that touches our heart and its sad that ur gone too early.. too soon to let us tell you that we love you and we miss you too much just the way you miss us...its sad that we never had the chance to tell you all this.. to hug and kiss you and sit on ur laps like we used to ..... i miss u aki.. i really do... we all do:(..

....Al-fatihah to my grandfather Hj Mahfar bin Md Shah...,

*ill see u one day.....
when you lose someone it can be hard to take
the pain that you feel when your heart has to break
the memories you keep are all in your mind
as you search your soul for more to find
the way their skin felt the smell of their hair
as you keep thinking over and shedding a tear
the years may pass, memories fade to grey
but your getting no younger you'll see them someday
unconditional love is never forgotten
look deep in your heart it is there at the bottom
alone in the dark sometimes in fear
voices from loved ones your hoping to hear
more years pass, they soon fly by
but your always looked upon from those in the sky
surrounded by clouds and pure white doves
they listen and watch sending you love
just remember one thing as you sit and you pray
they will be there to greet you, you will see them someday.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

foolish ego..

writing this entry to someone for someone... may u know who u are mr so- called ego ... i guess its about time for u throw away ur stupid pride ur lame ego and start learning to respect other womens feeling....other wise i'll tell u no matter how "hot" u think u are ... u wont get a chance to have a girl in ur life... miracles can happen ... u might have one but its wether ur one lucky bastard or shes stupid enough to make wise desicion of her own.. dont be to confident about urself... nothing to be proud of .. seriously!!ur arrogance is showing how insecure u are about urself and crushing other peoples emotions and feeling leads u to no where higher from where u are right now..i got 6 letters to describe u .. L-O-O-S--E-R!!!....

Monday, February 21, 2011

i miss him

i miss talking to him ..i just miss knowing the fact i could call him ... and i miss him so much it hurts.. yes it does..deeply wounded as i can say...but im just boo hoing on a stupid bastard who doesnt even appreciate me at all..i'll chalk this up to experience and will try to move on.
Well i have to accept the fact that he will never be with me...Learn what i can from this....take some time for myself and heal, cause ultimately that is the only thing that can help with this type of pain, TIME..;)

Thursday, February 17, 2011

shit happens!!!

salam satu malaysia.....!!! hahaha ....just feeling a bit hyper tonight.. thought of doing my laundry but things turns out not accordingly to what i had planned.. hate it when it happen..damn!!!ooops sorry.. i cursed too much.. perhaps within this week i've cursed more than a thousand time... its just not me.. pls dun get me wrong.. its the only way for me to let off my stress.. YES... i 'm too stressed up.. shit happens for no reason and it'll keep haunting me on and on ... im on a trial break up for real. long can it go.. im still unsure about it... still putting hopes that by the time we reunite, he'll be honest about his feelings and our relationship as well ..but if it doesnt work ... than maybe its about time for me to find a person who is an absolutely a dearest darling of a real man..big SIGH:(