HELP!!! I'm getting married....

I'm getting married next month. I 'm getting a little nervous...I mean too nervous... Is this normal? What should I do to make things a little better?

HELP!!!!

I'm losing my hair and the worst part is pimples growing everywhere even up to my chest -puke-..the relationships are turning upside down....too much drama and I am so bloody tired of all this..

Ive been engaged for more than a year and I have been waiting for this moment since the past 8 years since i met him...but suddenly out of the blue I'm mourning over the end of my single life....probably brides-to-be have to come to terms with... if they don't deal with it during their engagement, they'll deal with it during their first year of marriage.I just have these crazy mixed up feelings - I love my fiance and don't want to be in a relationship with anyone else and I want to marry him, but at the same time I'm leaving behind a time in my life that I'll never get back, and it's fucking SCARY!!!!. It doesn't mean I will cancel the wedding, and definitely doesn't mean I am not mature enough to get married. I am in a sort of in-between time in my life right now. ....EXACTLY SINGLE, but not EXACTLY MARRIED. This might sound weird but, at least for me, I had to come to terms with my fear of whether or not I'd still be me after the wedding. It's a huge life transition, and there are a lot of mixed up emotions that come with it. It's better that I face them now rather than bottling them up.....I just want all this to end soon...EDDY PLEASE put the RING on ME NOW!!!

P/S- I miss all my girls.....especially Farah...come back soon...I need u here:(((

seriously in BIG mess!!!

Admitting I'm just not the girl i used to be....too much shit got to me! simple mistake but with big impact and consequences....and everything seems so wrong now....:((( I'm just hopeless in any way and yes its a typical me....I keep saying/thinking that it will get better as time past, but it's still so bad as always. No improvement. It's pretty obvious that this skin will haunt me forever. =(

P/S:thinking of shaving my head bald!!

forgive me God...

Tomorrow is never promised to anyone,
But standing before Allah(swt) on the Day of the Judgement is.


The day when each and every individual will stand in front of ALLAH(swt) and will be questioned about his or her deeds.

Let's get back to Islam, before it's too late, let's turn back to Allah(swt) before we turn in to dust and our soul will be in the hands of Allah(swt).

Oh my Rabb, I have destroyed the better part of my life with sins, so have mercy on these wasted years of my life and reform me not tomorrow but today, today and only today Allah.

Remove the darkness of my sins from the previous years from my heart for I cannot carry any longer the weight of such sins and disobedience.

Allah my eyes have been destroyed, my tongue, oh Allah I have been destroyed!

Yet, you never once left me alone, you never once stopped your gaze of love and affection.

Ya Allah, take me out of this worldly trap; I deserve no riches, no fame no honor just YOUR love, YOUR closeness, and YOUR friendship.

For if YOU are mine, all is mine.

If YOU are lost, all is lost.

Allah, how lucky are those who have found You, they live in peace, tranquility, and contentment, knowing that You are pleased with them.

How much longer must I suffer, how much longer must I feel this emptiness within me?

Ya ALLAH forgive me the sins I may have committed in the brightness of the day,

and forgive me the sins I may have committed in the darkness of the night.

Ya Rabbi forgive me for all the sins that I have committed intentionally, and forgive me the sins I may have committed unintentionally.

Please forgive me Ya ALLAH,
please forgive me,

Accept me Ya ALLAH,
accept me.

Become mine YA ALLAH,
become mine.

For I wish I become Yours, YA ALLAH.....I wish to become Yours.
AMEEN AMEEN AMEEN
THUMA AMEEN.

Narrated Anas(R): The Prophet Muhammad(s.a.w.) said, "Allah says: 'When a servant of Mine draws near to Me, a span, I draw near to him a cubit; and if he draws near to me a cubit, I draw near to him a fathom. And if he comes to me walking, I go to him running.'"
(Al-Bukhari)

the last goodbye

9.3.2011.. a date ill never forget...the last goodbye.. gone for good to heaven a place u deserve to be .. u left us with wonderful memories that touches our heart and its sad that ur gone too early.. too soon to let us tell you that we love you and we miss you too much just the way you miss us...its sad that we never had the chance to tell you all this.. to hug and kiss you and sit on ur laps like we used to ..... i miss u aki.. i really do... we all do:(..

....Al-fatihah to my grandfather Hj Mahfar bin Md Shah...,

*ill see u one day.....
when you lose someone it can be hard to take
the pain that you feel when your heart has to break
the memories you keep are all in your mind
as you search your soul for more to find
the way their skin felt the smell of their hair
as you keep thinking over and shedding a tear
the years may pass, memories fade to grey
but your getting no younger you'll see them someday
unconditional love is never forgotten
look deep in your heart it is there at the bottom
alone in the dark sometimes in fear
voices from loved ones your hoping to hear
more years pass, they soon fly by
but your always looked upon from those in the sky
surrounded by clouds and pure white doves
they listen and watch sending you love
just remember one thing as you sit and you pray
they will be there to greet you, you will see them someday.

foolish ego..

writing this entry to someone for someone... may u know who u are mr so- called ego ... i guess its about time for u throw away ur stupid pride ur lame ego and start learning to respect other womens feeling....other wise i'll tell u no matter how "hot" u think u are ... u wont get a chance to have a girl in ur life... miracles can happen ... u might have one but its wether ur one lucky bastard or shes stupid enough to make wise desicion of her own.. dont be to confident about urself... nothing to be proud of .. seriously!!ur arrogance is showing how insecure u are about urself and crushing other peoples emotions and feeling leads u to no where higher from where u are right now..i got 6 letters to describe u .. L-O-O-S--E-R!!!....

i miss him

i miss talking to him ..i just miss knowing the fact i could call him ... and i miss him so much it hurts.. yes it does..deeply wounded as i can say...but im just boo hoing on a stupid bastard who doesnt even appreciate me at all..i'll chalk this up to experience and will try to move on.
Well i have to accept the fact that he will never be with me...Learn what i can from this....take some time for myself and heal, cause ultimately that is the only thing that can help with this type of pain, TIME..;)

shit happens!!!

salam satu malaysia.....!!! hahaha ....just feeling a bit hyper tonight.. thought of doing my laundry but things turns out not accordingly to what i had planned.. hate it when it happen..damn!!!ooops sorry.. i cursed too much.. perhaps within this week i've cursed more than a thousand time... its just not me.. pls dun get me wrong.. its the only way for me to let off my stress.. YES... i 'm too stressed up.. shit happens for no reason and it'll keep haunting me on and on ... im on a trial break up for real. ...how long can it go.. im still unsure about it... still putting hopes that by the time we reunite, he'll be honest about his feelings and our relationship as well ..but if it doesnt work ... than maybe its about time for me to find a person who is an absolutely a dearest darling of a real man..big SIGH:(

scars dont mark history

My past isn't my scars and i'm not mentally or physically damaged to it. So what if i make stupid decisions in my life??.Y bother???.its not that i would die tomorrow and can't fix anything back...it won't leave a single mark on me coz i believe theres always a remedy to heal it . besides this is what people call it "experiencing" and you'll learn life through your experience...wether you called it a stupid one or a superb one it have been set by GOD..ur destiny...my destiny....and sometimes it will answer our questions in the most unexpected ways ... I own the flesh but not the spirits and thus i don't have the power to control myself ...i'm a sinner I'll repent,I believe in GOD and He'll forgive...I am at peace with who I am and why I am the way I am.............................

-there's always a light that will lead you to the rights-

nightmare in crimson!

told u i'll have trouble updating this blog.....hehhehe...btw just to update my recent activities this past few weeks....the weekends were awesome!!! trying to catch up all the box offices movies in cinemas.... so far i've manage to watch Prince of Persia....Dastan turns me on...darn sexy!!.Shrek was ok...but it was quite lame for a final chapter..i was expecting more..however Puss and Donkey remains my favourites of all time:)... Nightmare in Elm's Street...FU**in scary..great movie with lots of laugh...!!!hahhahahah... and yes i watched Freddy Krueger with Tasha in sunway....we were expecting to get our asses scared so we decided to go and watch it during midnight...it worked... freaking creepy when we were lost looking for my car...we were rather confused coz the lights in the mall was dimmed and we actually parked quite far from the cinema...and suddenly we felt like we were somehow in d movie.. running around the long hallway...singing "1 ,2 Freddy's coming for you !!" ..and screaming like complete idiots..:p...never the less it effected my sleep ... hahahha i had nightmares that night....damn u FREDDY!!!

-me n tasha-

For GOD sake plz stop blathering!! you talk almost nothing but rubbish and shits!!!! Do I look like an idiot 2 u???!! do I thi

my ugly confession

Problem solved..... decision made and hoping for no more dilemma ....it was my bad making him sad....all the words is said this past few days ...what was i thinking??!!! this time i am to blame.....I'm so so sorry......I'm sorry for being so emotional, I'm sorry for being possessive, I'm sorry i've shed your tears, I'm sorry for making you sick, I'm sorry i hurt you so deep, I’m sorry for giving you sleepless nights, I’m sorry for each and every fight,I’m sorry for your pain & agony,I’m sorry for the missing harmony,my dear eddy please accept my apology ...
I’m sorry for my selfish love, I’m sorry for not caring enough, I’m sorry for my restlessness, I’m sorry for the losing grace, I'm sorry for being myself, I'm sorry for being immatured, I'm sorry that I've failed .....

I'm sorry...I'm sorry... and sorry again.....

I’m sorry of being insane, But ...believe me that I LOVE YOU.....Should I say sorry for that too????...................



p/s -its been ages since i wrote this poem...well then... its dedicated for you in hopes that you will get my point...


ONE

some may say it's just a disaster,
but who are they to judge our laughter,
when they know nothing about our love,
the symbol of rose, dark and dove.

hate to hear all the gossiping
people can't seem to stop the talking,
hate to see what they're trying to do,
ruining the love between me and you.

people can say its fading away,
when we know its going to stay,
the ups and down that we've been through,
the secret that lies between me and you.

there's nothing that can tear us apart,
and no can seperate our heart,
because the moon can't replace the sun,
so when me and you become one...

new hair cut!!

bored of myself...looking for something new...and thinking of a new hair cut!!!!!



should i go for BOB!! OR.....................................................................




go for BALD!!!.. i mean like half bald.. :D

who am I???

Who am I??? a tricky question for me.....still searching but as far as i'm concern i'm not weird..just UNIQUE!! in terms that i'm being myself ...not being who others are....and don't care what others thinks..yes I'm a SELFISH BASTARD!!! thats how i define myself =).....well before that.. lets get back to basic--->>

born in 1985 ..3rd among 6 brothers and happens to be the only girl....and that explains how i used to be a "TOMBOY" during my childhood....
i was born and raised in Malacca(Bukit Katil)...later on moved to Ampang where my parents bought a house-small but cozy (",)- in Taman Tasik Tambahan...
on my 2nd year of kindergarten (tadika kemas)migrated to the United States as my dad had to further his studies at Golden Gate Universiti California for his PHD....recieved my education from Margaurite Pauline Brown School for 3 1/2 years ..life was tough in the US and financial seems to be a problem....still imagining how we manage to survive with soo little of money and a high cost of living..... we got through it somehow..=).....
in the mid 90's after recieving his Doctorate we moved back to malaysia...home sweet home!!!...back to ampang and spent my standard 3 and 4 at SRK Taman Tasik ...it wasn't long when we had to transfer to Bandar Baru Bangi...stayed there for 1 1/2 years...schooling at (SMK Jalan 3 Bandar Baru Bangi) and later moved to Muar Johor....where i took my UPSR at (SRK Bandar Maharani) and resulted with a not-so-flying colours result......:P

-huhuhuhuhu trying my best to make it fast n simple-

went back to ampang (SMK TAMAN TASIK) for a year--->>>then all the way to sabah (SM ALL SAINTS) for 3 years---->>ampang again...finished my SPM--->>furthered my studies in UIA Matric PJ for my bachelor of english course---->>continued my degrees in UIA Gombak ...flunked my Arab subject :P and finally changed my U and decided to go for private...so here I am....UNITAR KJ...doing my degree in English and majoring in Literature.....

- ffffffffuhhhhhh...FINALLY!!-

soooo..now u see.i've met with tons of different people in different places...experienced all kind of shits in life....i've felt the ups and down...bitter and sweet....i've haven't achieved any of my goals yet....still trying to find myself.....SO WHO AM I??? not wanting to change a bit of myself but wanting to know who i really am...I won't settle for an easy answer but time defines me as I walk through this life always encountering information. I experience.... learn..... react... push...and pull.... always out of order but sometimes in order..... I have many memories many of which lie hidden and stored in my brain but not properly catalogued. They define me without my own understanding. ....I am a tendency..... If you fuck up and need help, I might help you or I might not....I am a hot tempered....I'll say whatever things I want to say even though it'll hurt others......I'm an animal lover and i'd rather not eat than seeing my cats in hunger......I love Gwen Stefanie...been a huge fan since NO DOUBT and still listening to her music until now........ I love shopping but i wear the same clothes over and over again and ended up giving it out to charity.....I'm a lazy a bum.. I sleep at 2 and wakes up at 2.....i make stupid decisions ...regret but never learned a lesson....I'm no longer a tomboy...that was way back during my childhood...now i know how to wear makeups..nail polish..skirts and dress..but still learning how to walk in heels...i'm in love but rather confused....I may be SARCASTIC and UNPREDICTABLE at certain time.. so beware!! ....i'm not pretty and not ugly as well.........i admit i'm naughty..not a BITCH and thus i don't entertain perverts...i won't say NO but it doesnt mean I'll agree....i don't like making friends so to those who are one...u are just being LUCKY!!....
bottom line is...those out there....if i can't find the answers for myself.....so neither could you!!!...SO WHO REALLY AM I??....like it or not this is me NISA SHUKOR....never judge me for something i'm not or something i 'll never be....enough saying.......love and peace=)

kusus kawen gallery

kursus kahwin @ sex education!!=)

2 days session and on the last day i woke up late at 7.45 am..!!! had a 5 minute bath...5 minutes of ironing my baju kurung and tudung....and a minute or 2 for a cup of milo..arrived at eddy's house in selayang around 8.30 ....and finally reached setiawangsa at 8.45.. right on time!!!...BRAVO NISA!!!

the first few hours was a pain in the ass for me!!! sleepy .... bored and having to sit in front as all the back seats were taken....just as i was about to doodle in class the ustaz caught my attention with the "it" topic...i acted "cool"..:P but the girl next to me couldn't stop giggling and blushing ..while covering her mouth with her hijab...lorr funny..... could be she's too excited or too embarassed about it.... muhahahhah...who knows right??..the funniest part was when the ustaz tried to keep it low by using words such as "kolam air dah basah" "tiang bendera dah pacak" and "jan sampai laki korang tulis gune pensil sendiri"......and there goes the HIGHLITE of the day when he recited a HADIS " maka si isteri hendaklah memenuhi kehendak suaminye walaupun dikehendaki ketike menunggang unta"......
-?????????????????-
who says marrige life is easy??? i mean like for REAL.??!!! on a CAMEL?!! urghhhh...hahhaha suddenly i had goosebumps..i didn't know it could reach to that extend!! now i can define SEX as CHORES....ok lorrrr....enough with the saying....afraid i might cross the line.......BTW no poems for today....i'll update my poems tomorrow...sleeppy nite..nite (-_-)....

• found this on the net.....and its quoted from the Quran...

"Isteri-isteri kamu adalah sawah ladang kamu, maka datangilah sawah ladangmu itu dengan cara yang kamu sukai." (Surah al-Baqarah, ayat 223)

mr right??....

getting married and still having doubt....is he mr right???. Oh GOD please have MERCY on me... i love him yes i do...but is he the one for me??...are we able 2 go through " it" together?? heard a saying "KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND"...... guess i have to find a way to let go the negativity out from heart and mind...pardon me dear if you happen to read this...its just a doubt and i'm sory for doubting about it..=(


P/S:wrote this poem for the sake of writing...nothing to do with me...

CONFUSION

the more I want you...
the more I could feel you going
the better I know you...
the clearer i could see the faking.

love please take me away,
far away from this feeling,
my world is turning black and grey,
please stop my heart from beating.

the more i tried to ignore you..
the closer you came to me.
the more i tried to hate you..
more smiles on your face i could see.

love please stop this confusion,
stop the puzzle in my head,
just when i tried to make my desicion,
"I love you BUT I hate you" that's what he said...



-adios amigos..off for kursus kahwin..-

nothing to do with hormone..i'm just sad...=(

juz came back from a karaoke session or should i call it a learning session with my favaourite girls...mas and anis. Too bad shaira coudn't join us...well maybe next time ...Fun yet painful...had this stomach pain due 2 empty stomach..yes i haven't eaten the whole day. not in d mood for eating =(....(y??????)looking at d brighter side-->>I'm on diet=)YIPPIE!!!.need to lose some weight ...57kgs is not normal..yeahhh....u can do it NISA!!
-BIG SIGH-
admitting...i'm missing "someone"=(... too bad this is not a diary...lets juz keep it 2 myself..maybe things happen for a reason or i'm just plain "STUPID"!!! after all i'm not an angel neither a devil..just an ordinary human being who enjoys fooling herself and being fooled...my bad.. i should have never ask for the sky....bla..bla....bla....enough with the babbling......here is a poem i'd like to share..wrote it afew years back--->

TRUE LOVE

The lights are dimming
concern is fading away,
I should have sense the feeling,
of you not going to stay...

How could I be such a fool;
putting hopes on you again,
I was worried but you acted cool,
now i realize i'm in your game.

I'm just a puppet,holding on a string.
being moved, played and used by you.
I hope there's an angel who could lend me his wing,
and cherish me with his love that's true....

a new day

ABRA CADABRA!!!.tadaa i'm writing a blog.....blogging wasn't an interest for me...i've tried by forced before...just 1 entry...and that's it...later tend to forget the password and user name..:P
TODAY i'm trying to give it another shot (cross my finger lorr)...new account ...new blog...and hoping to my find a new ME ahead.
Yes someone suggest to me to share my poems...believe it or not...i've written quite a few numbers of poems...and finally realised it was my passion...thnx to that someone=)...she was the first to have seen and read it...
and for today...i'd like to share it with all of you...feel free to give your opinion..whatever pops out from mind...even a tiny bit or an inchy winchy comment will be appreciated..=).. i believe that poem is a piece of art...and art is very vague...different readers interpret and view it in different ways...have fun reading it...it's not a master piece but its also not a crap...and duhhhh its NISA SHUKOR here ..not Shakespeare..


WHY I CANT GET OUT OF BED..


Why I can't get out of bed is because
I feel so lost and sad,
whatever caused this feeling
must be so horrible and bad.

Why do winter and summer can't get along?
are they meant to sing different songs?
why do river and sea can hold each other tight
and never end up into a fight?

Probably the world seems differently in the eyes of us,
It's not always easy to maintain the same frame,
there will never be an answer to the cause,
and so the relation will always remain the same....

Why I can't get out of bed is because
Of what's playing in my head;
the things SHE done and the word SHE said
is the reason why I can't get out of bed....